| Home enemas. Now there’s a bit of advice you don’t hear every day. Or any
day, frankly. But then that’s Clitical.com for you. It wants to be sexy –
but sexy in a responsible way. Like printing readers’ stories about what to
do if your Mum catches you dibbing, and anecdotes about frigging naked on
camping holidays in the Lake District.
Clitical is a sort of sex ed site, with stories and soft porn. It’s free,
but there’s a premium gold section if you fancy it. But there’s no free
tour, so you just have the picture of a girl sucking a lollipop to go on.
There are some stories. They’re alright I guess. But if you come looking for
fun, you’ll probably have gone off the idea by the time you get that far.
I think we’d all agree that the female form is a wondrous thing (as is the
naked male form, but you know, we’re just…softer…). But when you get close
to, say, a beautiful sculpture or painting, they just become cracked, ugly
paint or marble. And so the clitoris, which is the reason we are here,
essentially, becomes pretty darn ugly photographed at a distance of one
inch. It looks distorted, medical, disembodied.
It’s alright demystifying it, but you want to steer clear of putting people
off altogether. When the photos loaded, the boyfriend peered over my
shoulder and expressed a slight revulsion with the words: “Eugh. What the
hell is that? Oh. Right. Hm.” There are attempts at sexiness, provided by
the absurdly long red-painted fingernails which expose the area. But it just
ends up looking tacky. I tell you, if there’s anywhere you don’t want to
lose a nail…
Clitical’s intentions are admirable. Despite the advances of the last half a
century, we could always do with a bit more education about the world down
there. But either you explain these things for the teen and curious adult,
or you try to turn them on. Trying to do both just doesn’t cut either
mustard, and makes you seem a little on the uptight/trying too hard side.
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